I’m finally going to delete my “sick” photos from Facebook.
(But store copies in a folder on my desktop. For now…)
Getting them off social networking sites is the big thing. Because in a sense, they’re only up for validation. As if having them there proves to myself- and maybe others- that I ever was that thin.
And frankly, no one gives a crap.
And if they do, I shouldn’t give a crap about them.
I deleted my MySpace a few a years ago, so that takes care of that. That’s where a lot of the eating disorder documentation took place. (That and good old, Xanga.)
But I’ll never forget how one of my friends at the time used to have a PUBLIC MySpace album entitled “My Anorexia Progress”. I know I can’t be too harsh, because I would do the same attention-seeking behaviors like post pictures of my stomach, the protrusion of hip bones, etc. But at least I tried to maintain the guise that I was losing weight for my health. But I digress…
And I’m going to take a shot in the dark and say a lot of people, without eating disorders, can’t expect to have the same body in their early 20’s as they did when they were 13 and 14. So I shouldn’t let this hang over my head. It’s been 6 freaking years! But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that every day, for at least a moment, I wish I still looked like I did then.
The worse of these photos are on the hardrive of one of my family’s old computers. (I know, I know. How stupid was I?) It crashed, and my dad never got around to fixing it. And now I’m hoping and praying that if he ever does take the time, that those photos never see the light of day.