So an old friend (someone who’s isn’t so much a part of my life as before for a multitude of reasons, and some of the relate to my eating disorder and depression recovery) is doing a photography project about eating disorders. She asked me to be a part of it, and I responded “Hell yes!”
But now she’s delving into the specifics and I’m not so sure.
She wants to shoot photos that don’t show the face, just the damage our eating disorder caused our bodies. And then photos with our face to represent our identity without the disease. I love this concept. And I assumed by damage, my self-injury scars would suffice. But she asked to include photos of “any stretch marks or cellulite you have, any damage the ED caused.”
First of all, I find that a little presumptuous she would assume I WANT that stuff photographed. And I think it’s a lofty goal to find others with eating disorders/history of ed’s that will do the same.
Second, I’ve tried to hard not to think as those things as damage, but as proof of passage into recovery. Certainly not DAMAGE from the ED.
And it’s difficult to come out and say these things to this friend, because the state of our relationship and some unresolved hostility I feel towards her. And a lot of defensiveness. I don’t like to admit my insecurities to her, especially those regarding my flaws.
I have some thinking to do.
What damage has your mental illness caused you, physical and otherwise?