4. What are factors that contributed in your choice to recover?
- To an extent, I was just so damn tired of it. Every day with bulimia was a struggle. Little did I know that bulimia is easy. Recovery is the hard part.
- I was 17 when I sought treatment, and I think a part of was also that I was sick of sneaking around my family’s back to binge and purge and restrict. And when they caught me, they handled it all the wrong ways. I wanted them to stop shaming me.
- The strain it put on romantic relationships. Sure, at everyone at 16 and 17 thinks they’re going to marry their high school sweetheart and is crushed when they break up. But I feel like I harder time staying in relationships due to my disorder. I know that two of my break ups were directly caused by the guy’s inability to cope with my eating disorder. (Pre-recovery, I was still in the closet about my sexuality. That’s another factor that didn’t help my relationships along…)
- I wanted to live. I am lucky that I didn’t experience any severe, physical consequences of my disorders.
It’s hard to think back and remember what was going on in my head three or four years ago. But I can tell you the reasons I’m fighting tooth and nail to stay in recovery:
- To keep my RA position.
- To do well at my part-time job.
- To maintain a 3.0 or better.
- To get into graduate school.
- To get a degree that can help me to help others.
- Because I’ve held on this long.