I’ve never met my friend’s mother. And I suspect it has something to do with the racist, homophobic, anti-Semitic, and overall ignorant things she is constantly saying. Of course, I’ve never heard any of these things directly from her.

Recently my friend informed me, that her mother said I was “very pretty but would be a knock out” if I lost some weight. She is very critical of her daughter’s body, and made some kind of comment about me “enabling” her.” She said these things in spite of her awareness of  my eating disorder history. She expressed sympathy in the past! (She’s also made comments about my sexual orientation and spirituality…)

My friend and I are both bigger girls. I weigh more. And I’m pretty sure all these years of pin-balling between restriction, binge eating, and more restriction contribute to that.

My friend KNOWS I purged earlier this week for the first time in months. (She doesn’t know that I’ve continued to purge since then.) She knows my anxiety has been unbearable. I don’t understand why she chose to convey this very hurtful, triggering message at a time like this.


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2 Responses to TRIGGERED

  1. Em says:

    I’m sorry that happened to you. I think sometimes the passer-onner of those kinds of comments (my mom passes them on from my dad on the regular) wants to distance him/herself from them—like, wants to explain to you how much that’s not what they think of you—but doesn’t understand how much it hurts to hear the comment even in its bracketed form.

  2. Mairi says:

    I would sit down with her later, when you’re feeling good, and tell her you don’t want to hear negative comments about yourself, no matter who they come from. It is not helpful. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

    There’s an old saying that popped into my mind when I read this blog entry: Don’t let the bastards get you down. So please, be kind to yourself.

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