I was anxious for hours leading up to my appointment. Except for a few sessions with counseling interns, last M\onday was my first time in therapy since 2010. But I knew almost instantly I made the right choice, both to renter therapy and to start seeing Jennifer again. (Whom I saw in my late teens, pre-eating disorder hospitalization.) Even the familiar waiting room put me at ease.
We opened with both my accomplishments and further ambitions. I filled her in on my success with intensive outpatient (and the brief partial-hospitlization sandwiched in the middle), my mother’s illness and death, the reduction and near elimination of my self injury, the discovery of my sexual orientation, my diagnoses of depression and generalized anxiety, and the recent resurfacing of old behaviors.
Jennifer had to ask me some general mental health questions towards the end of the session. I caught myself lying, about something significant, but corrected myself in time. I know if I’m not honest, she can’t help me. I didn’t benefit much from therapy with her the first time around, because I refused to open up. Jennifer reassured me of confidentiality. I do like my psychiatrist. But unlike Jennifer, she tends to react strongly, assume the worst, and get my father involved- despite the fact I’m in my 20’s.
On the way out, I noticed an amethyst on her printer, and felt furth reassured. Even as a teen when I was at times, resistant to the therapy, I always loved the feel of Jennifer’s office and everything in it, from her live plants to the placement of the windows. At this Monday’s appointment, I spotted the giant rose quartz on her bookshelf.
The second appointment we devoted almost entirely to the intake form. But she did give me some preliminary Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tips, like stating positive affirmations, beginning with “I am”, before I go to sleep each night. She also suggested slipping a Vitamin-B12 supplement under my tongue before bed to help me relax.