.

People, places, activities. I want to avoid them all really bad but i cant or there will be consequences. and theyre so oddly specefic.
I took a shower to help me relax. Then i took a good look at myself and i felt lousy all over again.
If i was normal sized this would be a self-image problem. Since im not, it isnt. Im fat disfigured and ugly and deserve to feel bad.
As far as anxiety goes this is my lifes all time low. This worse then when i was a kid and refused to speak.
I  know im not going to die but i feel like im going to die.
I think i need to make a list of these triggers and get my school counselor or my therapist to help me find alternatives.
Triggers: fitness class. Angie. Going out in public, especially alone. Sometimes carbs are triggering. Other times theyre comforting.
Noise and crowds have always bothered me.
Fear of spending may be why going out is a trigger.
Dad is a trigger.
That one guy in food service who I swear judges what I eat.  
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This entry was posted in Purging Thoughts Instead of Food. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to .

  1. Ludivine says:

    You’re brilliant, clever and funny and it’s a pity you are (like SO many women) tormented by your appearance. You should keep reading/watching about fat pride and dressing up and having hair dyes and relaxing showers. I know I can sound hypocritical cos I’m slim but really I’m fed up with society’s fat shaming. It makes me sick.

  2. busydarling says:

    Size doesn’t define beauty!!

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